The top. That fun blows out, but I'll change that to suck in air.
20060916
20060903
Loneliness...
Is a feeling that sucks. And I can't escape it. Thinking about my life, I don't have any friend that I can really relate to and just talk about things. Maybe that's because I have only 4 friends that I keep in touch with, but even then it still feels like I have no friends. Because I only talk about certain things with them and nothing ever really changes in our conversations. Everytime I see them, it is always about the same topics and I don't think it will ever change. I wouldn't mind a change, but I can't figure a way to change it. What they are interested in and what I'm interested are far from each other, except for one (maybe two) topics. Those topics being cars and video games. Which is why I don't feel like I have any friends. Because those are the only two topics I talk about when I see them.
You may be wondering why I don't make new friends, because I can't. It's a combo of me being a shy person and people hating me in general. I can come out of my shell (as they say), but it's impossible if everyone hates me. I say hate, because it feels like any place I go to, the people immediately sense my presence and decide to hate me. I don't do anything and I don't say anything bad, so why people hate me or give me weird/dirty looks confuses me. Like my new job I started. There's this girl that I think is cute. The only thing I have done is look at her ever since I started the job. And I don't stare/gawk at her, I'll just walk into the break room, look up and see her face for a quick second. After that, I don't even look at her again. Yet somehow, she tells her friend something about me and her friend gives me a dirty/nasty look. I don't know what she said, but obviously it invoked that face that I'll never forget. Because, I DIDN'T DO SHIT TO HER!
It's stuff like that, that makes me think everyone hates me. Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into it, but it's hard to not think about it when you see that happen everyday from any person. Just this past Friday, I was at school in the library studying for one of my classes. There was these two chicks sitting at another table and I never looked directly at them. Never looked at their face or their body (NO, I'M NOT GAY!). So, I'll be looking down and reading my textbook and everytime one of them passes by me, they'll put their heads down and look at the floor. I'm not sure why they did this, but they did it. I never looked up at them when they passed by, I always looked at my book or at my laptop screen. And that's it! Yet, somehow, they think that I'm looking at them or that I'm some fucking pervert that stares at them everytime they pass. Hell, any girl does this when they pass by me. I could be on the other side of the room when they enter and if they see me they'll immediately look down and walk pass me. And it's not like they're walking right by me, they're usually 15-20 feet away when they do this. I laugh at this stuff, but it hurts to know that they're only doing this around me.
Until then...
-Perseverance!
P.S. Happy Labor Day!
You may be wondering why I don't make new friends, because I can't. It's a combo of me being a shy person and people hating me in general. I can come out of my shell (as they say), but it's impossible if everyone hates me. I say hate, because it feels like any place I go to, the people immediately sense my presence and decide to hate me. I don't do anything and I don't say anything bad, so why people hate me or give me weird/dirty looks confuses me. Like my new job I started. There's this girl that I think is cute. The only thing I have done is look at her ever since I started the job. And I don't stare/gawk at her, I'll just walk into the break room, look up and see her face for a quick second. After that, I don't even look at her again. Yet somehow, she tells her friend something about me and her friend gives me a dirty/nasty look. I don't know what she said, but obviously it invoked that face that I'll never forget. Because, I DIDN'T DO SHIT TO HER!
It's stuff like that, that makes me think everyone hates me. Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into it, but it's hard to not think about it when you see that happen everyday from any person. Just this past Friday, I was at school in the library studying for one of my classes. There was these two chicks sitting at another table and I never looked directly at them. Never looked at their face or their body (NO, I'M NOT GAY!). So, I'll be looking down and reading my textbook and everytime one of them passes by me, they'll put their heads down and look at the floor. I'm not sure why they did this, but they did it. I never looked up at them when they passed by, I always looked at my book or at my laptop screen. And that's it! Yet, somehow, they think that I'm looking at them or that I'm some fucking pervert that stares at them everytime they pass. Hell, any girl does this when they pass by me. I could be on the other side of the room when they enter and if they see me they'll immediately look down and walk pass me. And it's not like they're walking right by me, they're usually 15-20 feet away when they do this. I laugh at this stuff, but it hurts to know that they're only doing this around me.
Until then...
-Perseverance!
P.S. Happy Labor Day!
20060820
"In the eyes of your world"
Life has been good to me. Can't wait to see what happens when it stops! That'd be a fun day!
Bought two new CDs (maybe more?) since my last post. Picked up the new Breaking Benjamin album, Phobia. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Could have done without the first and last track. One thing I don't understand about this album are the lyrics. Some of them just don't make sense. I'm guessing they're metaphors or something like it and that shit confuses me.
Other album I picked up was Flyleaf's self-titled album. Pretty good album.
...
Do you tailgate people who are driving in slow lane (aka the far right lane of a street)? If so, why? Do you not know what the left lane is for? Or why everyone calls it the passing lane? It really pisses me off that I'm in the slow lane driving the speed limit, when someone jackass decides tailgate even though the lane(s) to the left of us are free. It also sucks when they have their high-beams on. Do you really fucking need your high-beams on? Are you fucking blinder than a 75 year old driver?
I can understand using high-beams in dark areas and at roads with animal crossings, but not on the fucking interstate where there are other cars around you. That's just being a dick. I hope all you motherfuckers burn in hell for that shit. ESPECIALLY, the people with HIDs (aka blue lights). You already have bright lights. YOU DON'T NEED TO MAKE THEM ANY BRIGHTER! YOU FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!
Until then...
-"I spit venom"
Bought two new CDs (maybe more?) since my last post. Picked up the new Breaking Benjamin album, Phobia. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Could have done without the first and last track. One thing I don't understand about this album are the lyrics. Some of them just don't make sense. I'm guessing they're metaphors or something like it and that shit confuses me.
Other album I picked up was Flyleaf's self-titled album. Pretty good album.
...
Do you tailgate people who are driving in slow lane (aka the far right lane of a street)? If so, why? Do you not know what the left lane is for? Or why everyone calls it the passing lane? It really pisses me off that I'm in the slow lane driving the speed limit, when someone jackass decides tailgate even though the lane(s) to the left of us are free. It also sucks when they have their high-beams on. Do you really fucking need your high-beams on? Are you fucking blinder than a 75 year old driver?
I can understand using high-beams in dark areas and at roads with animal crossings, but not on the fucking interstate where there are other cars around you. That's just being a dick. I hope all you motherfuckers burn in hell for that shit. ESPECIALLY, the people with HIDs (aka blue lights). You already have bright lights. YOU DON'T NEED TO MAKE THEM ANY BRIGHTER! YOU FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!
Until then...
-"I spit venom"
20060720
Huh?
School is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This summer has been crap for me. All I wanted to do was relax, but NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I HAD to sign up for summer school, especially for 10 weeks. Stupid move on my part!
Anyway, I have a WHOLE month before school starts again. That'll be fun. Right?
I'm music CD buying whore! :( Been buying CDs every other week or so and all I do rip them to my computer. I have not listened to any album that I bought in the past month or so. It's that BAD! Only I would consider is the new Rise Against album, The Sufferer and the Witness. But even then, I only listened to the first 5 (maybe 6) songs on there even though there's a total of 12/13 songs. I HAVEN'T even listened to the new Three Days Grace album and I bought that because I liked the new single, "Animal." Well, that's not true. I also bought it because I've been a fan since their first album came out.
What else? ...Hmm...I know...wait, no...Oh, did I ever tell you about the time I heard myself farting? I did? Then...Hmmm....How about the new Transformer sucking?
If you haven't heard, the new Transformer will have Optimus Prime not be a red truck. Instead, it looks like he'll be a maroonish colored with a flame paint job. How much does that suck? Oh, did I mention the semi-truck they're using doesn't end look like the truck that Optimus is? Besides that, they're also making Bumblebee a 2009 Camaro. For anyone who didn't watch the cartoon, Bumblebee was a 60s VW Beetle. How can you go from that to a Camaro? HOW!?!?!?!?!?! FUCK MICHAEL BAY!!!!!!!!!! Douchebag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until then...
-What!?
Anyway, I have a WHOLE month before school starts again. That'll be fun. Right?
I'm music CD buying whore! :( Been buying CDs every other week or so and all I do rip them to my computer. I have not listened to any album that I bought in the past month or so. It's that BAD! Only I would consider is the new Rise Against album, The Sufferer and the Witness. But even then, I only listened to the first 5 (maybe 6) songs on there even though there's a total of 12/13 songs. I HAVEN'T even listened to the new Three Days Grace album and I bought that because I liked the new single, "Animal." Well, that's not true. I also bought it because I've been a fan since their first album came out.
What else? ...Hmm...I know...wait, no...Oh, did I ever tell you about the time I heard myself farting? I did? Then...Hmmm....How about the new Transformer sucking?
If you haven't heard, the new Transformer will have Optimus Prime not be a red truck. Instead, it looks like he'll be a maroonish colored with a flame paint job. How much does that suck? Oh, did I mention the semi-truck they're using doesn't end look like the truck that Optimus is? Besides that, they're also making Bumblebee a 2009 Camaro. For anyone who didn't watch the cartoon, Bumblebee was a 60s VW Beetle. How can you go from that to a Camaro? HOW!?!?!?!?!?! FUCK MICHAEL BAY!!!!!!!!!! Douchebag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until then...
-What!?
20060706
"So I'll choke and smile"
It's 3:02PM and I have nothing to do. Weird. Bored right now and probably should be reading my textbook for class, so I know what's up, but I don't feel like it. Probably will after I'm done here.
In other parts of my brain, I'm scared!! I have this fear that I will lose my job and won't find another one that's like this job. Well, atleast the pay part and what I have to do to earn that pay.
FEAR!!!!!!!!
I still need to finish that game! Started playing it, almost at the end, and I stopped. Weird. Seriously need to finsh it and the other 1 million games I need to finish. I seriously need a whole year or more to finish all of them. That's only if video games are the only option I have to have fun. I have the internet and school and work and stuff that keeps me away from video games. *sigh* Video games, what happened to us? It wasn't ever like this before, but now. I feel like I'm slowly fading away. Bring me back! BRING ME BACK!!!!
Blogs, why do I have one? Most people who have blogs, usually talk about their life and stuff, but me; I have a hard time trying to type about my life. I'm very picky about what I type and it's bugging me OUT! Because most people just type away and not worry about what they type, but I can't do THAT!!!!! I type then I look back and change if need to. I also sit here and try to think what I'm going to say next. WTF!?!?!?!!?!? This ain't no high school/college english paper, yet I treat it as one. How fucking DUMB AM I!?!?!?!?!?
Until then...
-Firefly
In other parts of my brain, I'm scared!! I have this fear that I will lose my job and won't find another one that's like this job. Well, atleast the pay part and what I have to do to earn that pay.
FEAR!!!!!!!!
I still need to finish that game! Started playing it, almost at the end, and I stopped. Weird. Seriously need to finsh it and the other 1 million games I need to finish. I seriously need a whole year or more to finish all of them. That's only if video games are the only option I have to have fun. I have the internet and school and work and stuff that keeps me away from video games. *sigh* Video games, what happened to us? It wasn't ever like this before, but now. I feel like I'm slowly fading away. Bring me back! BRING ME BACK!!!!
Blogs, why do I have one? Most people who have blogs, usually talk about their life and stuff, but me; I have a hard time trying to type about my life. I'm very picky about what I type and it's bugging me OUT! Because most people just type away and not worry about what they type, but I can't do THAT!!!!! I type then I look back and change if need to. I also sit here and try to think what I'm going to say next. WTF!?!?!?!!?!? This ain't no high school/college english paper, yet I treat it as one. How fucking DUMB AM I!?!?!?!?!?
Until then...
-Firefly
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