Loneliness...

Is a feeling that sucks. And I can't escape it. Thinking about my life, I don't have any friend that I can really relate to and just talk about things. Maybe that's because I have only 4 friends that I keep in touch with, but even then it still feels like I have no friends. Because I only talk about certain things with them and nothing ever really changes in our conversations. Everytime I see them, it is always about the same topics and I don't think it will ever change. I wouldn't mind a change, but I can't figure a way to change it. What they are interested in and what I'm interested are far from each other, except for one (maybe two) topics. Those topics being cars and video games. Which is why I don't feel like I have any friends. Because those are the only two topics I talk about when I see them.

You may be wondering why I don't make new friends, because I can't. It's a combo of me being a shy person and people hating me in general. I can come out of my shell (as they say), but it's impossible if everyone hates me. I say hate, because it feels like any place I go to, the people immediately sense my presence and decide to hate me. I don't do anything and I don't say anything bad, so why people hate me or give me weird/dirty looks confuses me. Like my new job I started. There's this girl that I think is cute. The only thing I have done is look at her ever since I started the job. And I don't stare/gawk at her, I'll just walk into the break room, look up and see her face for a quick second. After that, I don't even look at her again. Yet somehow, she tells her friend something about me and her friend gives me a dirty/nasty look. I don't know what she said, but obviously it invoked that face that I'll never forget. Because, I DIDN'T DO SHIT TO HER!

It's stuff like that, that makes me think everyone hates me. Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into it, but it's hard to not think about it when you see that happen everyday from any person. Just this past Friday, I was at school in the library studying for one of my classes. There was these two chicks sitting at another table and I never looked directly at them. Never looked at their face or their body (NO, I'M NOT GAY!). So, I'll be looking down and reading my textbook and everytime one of them passes by me, they'll put their heads down and look at the floor. I'm not sure why they did this, but they did it. I never looked up at them when they passed by, I always looked at my book or at my laptop screen. And that's it! Yet, somehow, they think that I'm looking at them or that I'm some fucking pervert that stares at them everytime they pass. Hell, any girl does this when they pass by me. I could be on the other side of the room when they enter and if they see me they'll immediately look down and walk pass me. And it's not like they're walking right by me, they're usually 15-20 feet away when they do this. I laugh at this stuff, but it hurts to know that they're only doing this around me.

Until then...
-Perseverance!

P.S. Happy Labor Day!